Bearing the cost

money

2008-02-18T17:17:00.001-08:00

Money.

Money is annoying. Tough to make, too easy to spend.

I really miss the days of having everything provided gratis at the hand of mom and dad. When it didn't matter how cold it got overnight, because I wasn't paying for the gas. When I could have as many friends over as I wanted, because Mom would put out food and I wouldn't have to worry about not eating for the next week. When I could get any new book I wanted because Dad would cover it. Ahh - those were the good ole days.

The trouble with budgeting is that you have to stick to it. I actually love making up budgets; I think it's a carryover from the days of counting, recounting, sorting and resorting my $12.53 worth of coins. But I have never kept a budget yet - I don't think I've ever even made the attempt. I just keep drawing up plans.

But now it's come down to the line. My OU account was sent to Collections and I have three options: 1. pay in full immediately (umm, impossible). 2. pay within 60 days (very tough). 3. pay in monthly installments (which sounds great, but it involves going through a judge and court/lawyer fees totaling $500 - plus, there's a hold on my transcripts until paid in full and I really need access to those pretty quick). I've figured out that if I stick to this budget, I can manage to pay off the whole amount in two months, with only a bit of help from mom and dad in April (taxes didn't come out in my favor this year). It means being super serious about keeping the budget, and living really meagerly. It means denying myself lots of fun. It means giving up Saturdays.

It's also only for three months (March-May). After that, I'm free. And I think freedom is worth three months of strict discipline. And I think that it will be great for me to really learn how to keep to a budget. I'm going to use the envelope method, because I spend plastic really easily and can't seem to ever get any of my purchases written down. Plus, I've heard good things about this method.

out of retirement

2008-02-15T20:18:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted in over a year. What's happened in the intervening time?
late 2006
Thanksgiving in Norman with Ian Puffenberger and Kristen Hudec
writing finals for my students without their textbook
christmas in memphis
diploma received
friend to rehab
roommates dating
2007
skiing and winter conference
roommates breaking up
Easter hymn sing (coming again soon!)
Easter lunch at Giuliano's
end-of-year debacle
writing finals for my 6-8th graders with their book (a much easier task)
living with Katie and Katie for the summer
sending Katie off to Peru
the semester of work - averaging 45 hours each week, sometimes working up to 70 hours
Relish retreat to lakehouse
girls' trip to Dallas - Becky, Colleen, Laurie
the week of cookies - 50 dozen for OU/Texas weekend (that's 600 completely decorated cookies)
blow out bash for Brittany's 24th - 80s prom!
Thanksgiving in Norman at Giuliano's
crazy holiday season
Christmas surprise - Catie came home a day early!
very sick
2008
no more Fancy That!
teaching art appreciation on Friday mornings
RAMR 34 completed
moving?!?
Haminha weekend for Relish retreat

Charlie's Xmas card

2006-11-29T23:12:00.000-08:00

I'm thankful for ...

2006-11-23T10:16:00.000-08:00

Today is the day the
Holidays begin
And soon we'll be singing
Noel again.
Know this -
Santa brings toys, but
God's gift, Christ
Incarnate, brings joys.
Visions of shepherds, angel chorus,
Incense, gold, myrrh -
Nativity, glad tidings of a birth!
Gaude, gaude!Emmanuel Nascetur pro te, Israel!

Life is ...

2006-11-12T21:40:00.000-08:00

Life is good. Here's why:

1. I have two jobs and can pay bills
2. I have jobs that I enjoy
3. I have a weekend (it runs Sunday to Monday)
4. My computer works (this is a blessing that seems to be quickly fading - darn technology)
5. I have roommates that are neither perpetually drunk, nor watching sports, nor crazier than I
6. I have car insurance (though no health insurance, yet)
7. I have a church that I adore, even with her wrinkles
8. I have some great girlfriends who love me
9. I still love reading - my only hobby that has continually lasted from childhood through adulthood
10. People trust me to cater their weddings - what a huge responsibility, but such fun!

Gotta love it...

2006-10-10T19:37:00.000-07:00

I found this on a friend's away message. It's video of a guy "dancin' through the ages". It brought on simultaneous horror memories of middle and high school, with some ballroom, polka and square dance mixed in.

I have no idea how to post you-tube stuff.

And you think you've had a bad day...

2006-09-21T19:54:00.000-07:00

For Sam

2006-09-11T22:25:00.000-07:00

Just so you know and can rest easy ...

My middle name (and my mom's first) is Kimbrough, as in Kim's Borough. So yeah, I'm up on your crazy spellings.

question

2006-08-23T07:11:00.000-07:00

So in Pilgrim's Progress, Christian gets caught in the Slough of Despond. This would be a great opportunity for me to talk about depression or loneliness. But no. My query is completely one of pronunciation.

Slu? Slow? Slaow? Sluff? Sloff?

Darn English.

And the winner is...

2006-08-22T14:32:00.000-07:00

Charlie won! Many thanks to all who voted.

Yumminess

2006-08-20T20:51:00.000-07:00

Went to the Negus'(Neguses, Neguses', Negi's?) for lunch today. Had buffalo (very tender), Yorkshire pudding (which was not a pudding, but very fun to eat nonetheless), and bread pudding (which was pudding like, and quite good, despite its looks). Seriously delicious meal. Hope another invitation is forthcoming. Or perhaps I should return the invitation. Y'all are welcome, but you'll get lazagna or meatloaf. Or maybe enchiladas. Ooh, or maybe pork tenderloin with rapsberry sauce or southwest salmon ...

Jessie's Wedding cake

2006-08-16T13:24:00.000-07:00

Long overdue, here are the pics of Jessie's wedding cake.

Picture of Bubba

2006-08-10T13:57:00.000-07:00

This is a pic of my very sweet brother Charlie in Mexico last spring break on a missions trip. He's currently in a smile competition for his orthodontic group, which ends August 18th. Keep voting early and often!

You should read some of the comments people are making about my brother:
- Charlie has such a natural-looking easy big smile. His smile looks like a winner. (I'm pretty sure this one was by my mother)
- Hows about we vote for that charlie kid??? he looks pretty hot to me ;) No ones barely mentioned any of the guys.
- The smile is a mile. #40 Charlie is #1. Where is he from?
- I say we look into this Charlie guy. He's got a great smile. He looks fun. Is he like a model? I agree that #40 is #1.
- Vote for Charlie #40! He's got the greatest smile, and a huge personality to match! He is so full of life and energy, I don't see how you could not love that smile!
- vote for charlie, hes hott
- Charlie should be picked on the basis of his smile alone. He's definitely the smile-king. Does anyone know him?

Well, he's pretty spectacular in my book. Hope you win, bro!
If you're interested in voting for Charlie (aka Bubba, Bubs, Chubs, Chubby, Shnuggs), go to this website and vote for him.
http://www.arkansasorthodontics.com/index.php?subcat=Idol%20Smiles%20Finalists

drinking the sweet nectar of victory

2006-08-03T19:28:00.000-07:00

After a whole month and a half of waiting to play, I finally was introduced to Cities and Knights last night. What a triumph! Unwittingly, I won the game with a few very well placed progress cards, stealing six cards from Doug, getting a castle-thingy and recapturing the longest road. Hurray! I think this takes my Settlers winnings to about three for my entire gaming history. Can't wait for the next one!

My favorite places

2006-07-31T16:49:00.000-07:00

1. Chipotle
2. Laying on the back of the boat, cruising along
3. The Serven front porch
4. My parent's back porch
5. Coach's
6. PCPC fellowship hall
7. The Bird's Nest (sigh ...)
8. Winan's coffee shop
9. The Library
10. The (other) library

Veritas

2006-07-12T23:44:00.000-07:00

The board of Veritas granted me a position as the Latin teacher there for the next year. I am so excited. I went straight out and borrowed ten books from the OU library on pedagogy and classroom management, classical education, and teaching Latin. I've also gotten ahold of the textbooks for the next year, so I'm already looking through them and trying to formulate lesson plans.
Plus, I'm just loving being in Latin again. I'm having a ball in my class, and I'm super psyched about continuing in the fall and probably next spring. At this point, I'm thinking grad school for classical languages and culture. Maybe in England?

By the sweat of my brow

2006-07-12T23:38:00.000-07:00

My parents bought a lake house last month and last weekend I went to NW Arkansas to help them move in and renovate. We stripped of wallpaper, painted, and tiled two bedrooms, which took the whole of the five day weekend of the 4th of July. The weekend after next I head back to tackle the living and dining room floors, which are currently covered in pink shag carpeting (which is the stuff of nightmares and horror flicks).

However, true to Petzinger form, the work always gives way to fun and we took several boat breaks to wakeboard and swim. This is the life! We won't be anywhere near done this summer, so I can't have people over yet. I'm thinking a Week in the Word might be just the ticket.

Big news

2006-05-24T23:06:00.001-07:00

I've decided not to graduate.

Huh? you say.

It's true. After four years of college, I've decided that there are things I want to do which I couldn't do because of other things. So, this summer I'm taking a Latin refresher course, and in the fall I'm taking two Greek classes to finish a minor, and getting Honors done, since I need to fill 12 hours anyway. I came up with this all by myself, actually, without any parental input or advice. Very different for me - making decisions all by myself, trying to see outside the box and move in a godly fashion. This is different. Needless to say, I'm a little shocked at myself, but I feel really good about this decision.

Life, the Universe, and Everything

2006-05-06T06:31:00.000-07:00

You know how one sadness or frustration can completely color a whole day, sometimes even a whole week? I don't think that one joy has ever done that for me before. Maybe I'm too used to being sad or frustrated that I can stay in that groove; I'm out of practice for joy. Or peace. Well, maybe for fruit in general.

But, that aside, graduation is next week. Wow, that seems so huge to me. I'm in the inbetween now - no more classes, only three finals and a paper. I'm so excited, but at the same time very anxious and sad. I've been dealing with anxiety really poorly this semester, and especially in the past couple of weeks as I have discovered that I am bad with money. Money and parents, parents and money. Both great things that seem impossible for me to figure out. Oh well.

Good luck to finals takers!

Theo van Gogh

2006-04-21T13:32:00.000-07:00

Does anyone know who Theo van Gogh was? I'm interested to see if he made it on anyone's radar.

Immigration

2006-04-21T13:07:00.000-07:00

The recent demonstrations in Dallas over new legislation about immigration (running the gamut from a general amnesty to "guest-worker" status to stricter enforcement of already existant laws) come right when we're discussing immigration in my French culture class.

After Algerian independence in the 1960s, and after a civil war there, and after a return to fundamental Islam, and after another civil war (and maybe another one after that, I get lost), 1 in 3,000 people leave the country every year (net migration rate: CIA WorldFactbook), which is 11,000 people total every year (I think, my math is none too good). That's not that many, but the influx into France from Algeria, Tunisia, Morocco, and the other former colonial countries in the Middle East and subsaharan Africa adds up to something of a deluge of people coming in. This wouldn't be such a problem if France assimilated people as America does, inviting people to come as they are, bring their culture with them, and learn English and engage in our culture. Unfortunately, France seems to shuffle immigrants (especially those of Middle Eastern background) into the HLMs (habitations a loyer modere - low rent housing) that surround Paris and other large cities. In a film entitled "La Haine" (The Hate) the film-maker takes you into this world of poverty and oppression and shows the dark reality of France's inability to assimilate its immigrants.

The inhabitants of these high-rise villages speak Arabic at home, a Franco-Arab dialect with each other, and French at school. They go to secular schools where the veil is not worn and laicite (secularism) is taught as the norm and civilized way of life; they go home to fundamental Islam. Because they don't speak proper French, they are not viewed as truly French people. Many were born in France to immigrant parents. They are the amphibian people, living somewhere between North Africa and France, but not in either of them. As France's unemployment is at 10% in the country and even higher in these areas, the HLM districts are full of young men, full of confusion and frustration, with nothing to do. Thus, cars get burned and neighborhoods riot, as happened last fall.

It is amazing to me that we don't have the same problem here. The recent demonstrations have been peaceful, with the American and Mexican flags flying together during the marches. I'm not completely up on all that is behind the marches or what exactly they're protesting. But it is very telling to me that even my French French teacher (meaning that he teaches French and is from France) thinks that France assimilates immigrants poorly and Americans do it well (he also thinks Americans are very hospitable and nice, which may play into that as well).

My personal thoughts: laws concerning immigration should probably be reformed. Illegal immigrants should be encouraged to self-identify and be processed, in this country, to obtain legal status. The borders should have tighter control now and we should insist that those not already illegal in country should go through 'proper' channels to obtain a license to live here. Economic arguments, etc., don't interest me (ask Norman why).

Has anyone else been thinking about this topic or just the poor French students?

God the Immutable

2006-04-16T20:38:00.000-07:00

Immortal, invisible, God only wise,
In light inaccessible hid from our eyes,
Most blessèd, most glorious, the Ancient of Days,
Almighty, victorious, Thy great Name we praise.

To all, life Thou givest, to both great and small;
In all life Thou livest, the true life of all;
We blossom and flourish as leaves on the tree,
And wither and perish—but naught changeth Thee.

In researching for Zgroups on Tuesday (I'm presenting on the immutability of God) I've discovered amazing and fascinating things about our God. Truly - awesome. In almost every reference to his unchanging nature that I've come across (Ps. 102:25-28; Malachi 3:6; Num. 23:19-20; Ps. 33:11-12; Hebrews 6:17-20) God's immutability is tied to the covenants, generally giving assurance of God's faithfulness to his covenants.

What I've found even more amazing is that the references to God changing his plans or "relenting" from a course of action are all couched in covenantal language as well.
Noah
"The Lord was sorry he had made man on the earth": from this comes judgment of the unrighteous, but also a covenant with Noah and his offspring.
Abraham, Isaac and the ram
The Lord tests Abraham by asking him to sacrifice his son, indeed the promise of the covenant. Abraham does not hesitate but shows his faith in offering up even his son. "Abraham must learn that the promise does not depend on Isaac, but on God alone" (Bonhoeffer). God ransoms Isaac and provides the offering himself and then reaffirms his covenant with Abraham and his offspring.
Golden Calf episode
Ex. 32 "The Lord said to Moses, 'I have seen this people and behold, it is a stiff-necked people. Now therefore let me alone, that my wrath may burn hot against them and I may consume them, in order that I may make a great nation of you.'"
Here we have the Lord wanting to destroy the people of Israel, in order to make a great nation of Moses. I'm seeing another covenantal test, like with Abraham.
Moses is faithful, however, and replies, "Remember Abraham, Isaac and Israel, your servants, to whom you swore by your own self and said to them 'I will multiply your offspring." "And the Lord relented from the disaster that he had spoken of bringing on his people".
Again - disaster and covenant. This time, the Lord chose not to destroy the people - but I think that this is an example of his long-suffering and not him changing his mind. Indeed, the wicked shall be judged. The Lord allows the world time that he might draw his own to him, but this period will end in judgment of the world.
Finally -
Jonah and Ninevah
The people of Ninevah repent of their wickedness and (Jonah 3:10)"when God saw what they did, how they turned from their evil ways, God relented of the disaster that he had said he would do to them, and he did not do it".
This one is quite a bit more difficult, as there is no covenant with Ninevah, but I think a principle from the preceding example: God does eventually destroy Ninevah, that wicked city. His 'relenting' at this time is merely him holding back his wrath in his long-suffering in order that the righteous may be called to himself.

2 years, 4 months

2006-04-13T21:20:00.000-07:00

That's how long I've been single. It seems a very long time. It sometimes seems too long, sometimes not long enough. With friends getting married, I've been thinking about maturity and its impact on relationships. Do you reach a critical mass point where you are mature enough to commit to marriage? If so, I think I'm doomed to (blessed with?) singleness for the long haul. But I don't think that's the case. I've seen friends grow inordinate amounts of maturity up to and in marriage; and in other cases I've seen God give huge amounts of grace to the partner to deal with the lack of maturity in the spouse.
On a side note, I've been thinking about love and what it's supposed to be like. Each person's expression of love is so different from the next person. I've seen people totally gaa-gaa for each other - in the moony, lovey-dovey way. And I've seen people who are just super comfortable with another that turns into tenderness. And I think I've seen love where it was only in the negative where love was appreciated - only when the relationship was in trouble did expressions of love come about.
I don't think I've ever been in love. I wonder if someone can articulate what that feels like for me, or if I just have to wait and see for myself.
Sorry for the very girly post. I'll try something more interesting next time.

My new book list1

2006-04-12T14:10:00.000-07:00

Here's my to read list for the rest of the school year and into the summer:
Cost of Discipleship (Bonhoeffer)
Down-to-Earth Discipling (Morton)
Enduring Community (Newsom and Habig)
Pilgrim's Progress (Bunyan)
The Call (Guiness)
Altogether Lovely (Edwards)
Fabric of Faithfulness (Garber)
Stepping Heavenward (Prentiss)
In the Beginning (McGrath)
The PLeasures of God (Piper)
Here I Stand: A life of Martin Luther (Bainton)
Bondage of the Will (Luther)
Screwtape Letters (Lewis)
Amusing Oursevles to Death (Postman)
He is there and He is not silent (Schaeffer)
Perelandra (Lewis)
The Consequences of Ideas (Sproul)
Orthodoxy (Chesterton)

We'll see how long it takes!

Sartre and Camus answered

2006-04-10T20:35:00.000-07:00

Sartre: (No Exit) "Hell is other people"
"When I say I'm cruel, I mean I can't get on without making people suffer. Like a live coal. A live coal in others' hearts. When I'm alone I flicker out."
"Are you sure [I] look all right? ... But how can I rely upon your taste? Is it the same as my taste? Oh, how sickening it all is"

Bonhoeffer: "We are separated from one another by an unbridgeable gulf of otherness and strangeness which resists all our attempts to overcome it by means of natural association or emotional or spiritual union. There is no way from one person to another. However loving and sympathetic we try to be, however sound our psychology, however frank and open our behavior, we cannot penetrate the incognito of the other man, for there are no direct relationships, not even between soul and soul. Christ stands between us, and we can only get in touch with our neighbors through him. That is why intercession is the most promising way to reach our neighbors, and corporate prayer, offered in the name of Christ, the purest form of fellowship." (The Cost of Discipleship).

Birthday cakes

2006-03-22T08:55:00.000-08:00

From my birthday:

My dad's birthday is this weekend and I get to do his cake!

Dallas

2006-03-18T21:35:00.000-08:00

I got to hang out in Dallas this past weekend with Laurie, Erin and Becky. Had a blast - can you beat a comedy club and Sam Moon and Galleria shopping? Absolutely not! Every time I'm in Dallas, whether for just hanging out or for a debutante ball, I have an absolutely fabulous time. What is it about that city? A lot of emotion wrapped up in childhood memories, fun people, engaging entertainment, great food (do we need a Chipotle here in Norman or what!). A wonderful place that I would love to move back to in the coming years.

sartre and camus

2006-03-07T22:07:00.000-08:00

Existentialism is depressing. I'm glad that I look not into other people's eyes to find myself, but into the eyes of the Lord and see Christ. It amazes me yet again that the more we seek to lose ourselves in Him, the more our true selves we become. I was made to be me, but I can only be me in Him.

I told them

2006-03-06T09:31:00.000-08:00

that I was planning on staying in Norman. My parents, that is. Well, at least my mom. She took it rather well for how I was envisioning her reaction. I think she finally realized that I love her and Dad and respect them, but that I am going to make a decision against their advice. She told me that she would support me in whatever I wanted to do, but was still hesitant about staying in Norman. But, she was also impressed that I have a plan, so that I'm not just running into a vacuum, but am soberly planning out my future. So, that's done. Now I just have to wait and see what Dad says. But, it looks like I'm here for a year.

So ... I got into law school ... but ...

2006-03-04T13:34:00.000-08:00

I got into the University of Texas. This is actually a huge shock because I'm out of state and there are practically no spots for out-of-staters. My dad is definitely going to be thrilled. I'm not sure how to tell him that I want to defer law school in order to stay in Norman, to work and play, trying to figure out God's will.

Also, a very old and dear friend of mine has just found out that her LSAT isn't good enough to get into Texas, even though she is in-state. So, am I ungrateful for the opportunity given to me in declining to go to law school? Is this the open door, the "neon sign" of God, that this is His will? I'm really not sure how to deal any of this. But, the news is flattering. I love hearing that I'm accepted (though I think I like it better when friends accept me than institutions).

My first creation

2006-03-01T17:34:00.000-08:00

So, I'm teaching myself cake decorating and wanted to share my first project with the three of you that read this. Not exactly a discussion of a doctrine of God, but something else rather near and dear.

Grace and Peace

2006-02-27T21:28:00.000-08:00

Paul loves to open his letters with "grace and peace". I love this - why, you may ask? Because I forget. I forget that my friends love me, that my elders love me, that my family loves me, and sometimes that Jesus loves me. I tend to forget conversations, feelings, and even whole events are sometimes erased. And so I need someone to remind me. And that is what Paul does; he writes to those churches: "Hey, remember me? I love you, still, even though I'm far away from you and even though you keep messing up, even when we've been over this before. And not only me, but the Lord loves you like nothing else. Here, let me show you again how much He loves you." And then you get the letter to the Ephesians with the great love of predestination and election, or Philippians, detailing Paul's love for those people.

So, remind me, and I hope that I help to remind you.

New template

2006-02-24T22:15:00.000-08:00

Spring approaching, and gloomy winter mood fading, and pink becoming my favorite color again, and life being happy, and feeling liberated from making life decisions, I have decided to change my template.

Now that's a Greek sentence construction, if there ever were one!

Greek and why I like studying it

2006-02-24T22:02:00.000-08:00

I love Greek. I really do.

For a while I thought it was because it made me look smarter because it is of such small interest in this part of the country. Or because I got to specialize early on and look cool talking to a professor like I knew what was going on. Or because I got to belong to a very narrow group and exclude other people (because we all know that exclusion is the key to superiority).

But lately, I've noticed that, though these things are probably still true and I'm a sinner, I love Greek. I like getting tough passages and solving the puzzle. I like seeing what difference a tense can make. I love to read through familiar parts of the Bible slowly while translating and see it come to life anew. I like bickering about tiny little translating things, trying to figure out the best English version for the Greek (Gringlish is unintelligible). I also like getting to know people in the context of translating. You start to see what is important to them in passage and sometimes their translations can be very telling about them.

So, I love Greek. I do. You should study it. Doug will teach you.

Big news!

2006-02-14T13:21:00.000-08:00

I got accepted to William and Mary School of Law. This is my fall back school, but one that I would actually go to (unlike Harvard or Georgetown). Yay!

*********************************************

After visiting UVA, Georgetown and William & Mary, I have to say that I'd go to any of them. Very cool places with some awesome people. I got into Vanderbilt and William & Mary has offered me a $50,000 scholarship in order to boost their numbers. So, this is really flattering.

How does this sound: defer scholarship and law school for a year and stay in Norman, working in an OKC hotel doing dinners (learning about the catering business), maybe working at Veritas, doing the RUF faux internship, and generally hanging out more with Doug and Julie. Then, being confident that the Lord leads where he will, go off to law school and start that kind of career. Sounds pretty cool. We'll see.

Mormon girls

2006-02-14T12:37:00.000-08:00

Jessie introduced me to the Mormon girl missionaries just before the end of last semester and this semester they've been over probably half a dozen times for dinner or dessert. They are very sweet people and I find them quite interesting.

At dinner on Sunday they showed me the cup illustration which demonstrates how their church is set up, based on the 12 apostles with one prophet at the head (first Jesus, and then Peter). I found it, one, unnecessary to what makes a good church, and, two, wrong to think that the church has had it wrong since the apostles died out and that the true organization of the church was restored in the 1850s under Joseph Smith.

This also got me thinking about church government and how important it is to have such and such a structure. Obviously I think the Presbyterians have got it right, with a system to check each other and keep churches and presbyteries accountable, as well as providing a means of reform or augmentation of doctrine. My Mormons seem to think that without the apostle/prophet structure, the church can not fulfil her duties. But was Christ saying (by example) that we need modern apostles and prophet? This ends up sounding rather Catholic to me. The early church seems more to give the example (and direct teaching) that congregations need to be headed by godly men who are wise and ordained to guard souls.

So I went to Acts for history and enlightenment. Acts 1: Judas has committed suicide and the apostles (now 11) meet together and cast lots to decide a replacement apostle. Acts 12: James, brother of John (sons of Zebedee), is killed by Herod (the Twelve are again the Eleven). Acts 15: the Jerusalem Council (to talk about Gentiles needing to be circumcised); at the council, wherein meet the remaining apostles, other elders, and Paul, no new apostle is chosen, though everyone necessary for such a decision was assembled.

Seems to me that the apostles were specifically chosen and gifted for the nascent ministry to have a focal point and that their ministry was to be handed over to the elders of the church. Why don't we need apostles? We have men ordained to guard the individual churches and yearly councils to make sure they are continuing the Lord's work. Maybe I do think that the Presbyterian way is most biblical. Hmm.

And the link goes to ...

2006-02-13T06:44:00.000-08:00

Wow - so I got put on the RUF blogger list. What an honor! Sorry there's not more to read. I have to go babysit.

and the catching up goes on ...

2006-01-11T23:04:00.000-08:00

Now I've quit Walmart, in the attempt to have a normal semester. Who really wants to work? Um, not me. So, I'm jobless again, and loving it!
This next semester is going to rock: 12 hours, three nights of ministry (and being ministered to), lots of trips to the Library and the Mont, friends, friends, and more friends. And to top it all off, weddings! Jessie and Jessica are both in the throes of planning and I hope to be in on some of it!
Friends getting married is really strange: I still feel like a middle-schooler in so many respects. Getting on facebook and reconnecting with middle-school friends is so odd: in some ways, I feel that that was just a couple years ago, instead of almost 8 years. "I don't wanna grow up!"
And yet, I love that I've grown up as much as I have. I think I was really stunted for most of high school - not growing (emotionally or spiritually) and stuck in my sin, especially my pride. Thank the Lord for Doug, Mike, RUF and friends that have really kicked me into gear: Colleen, Jessie, Della, Lisa, KMac, Norman and Jessica. Without them, I'd be so lost.
Lewis talks at length about friendship in his "The Four Loves" (which is great, by the bye). "To the Ancients, Friendship seemed the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue ... Friendship is - in a sense not at all derogatory to it - the least 'natural' of loves; the least instinctive, organic, biological, gregarious and necessary. ... Affection and Eros were too obviously connected with our nerves, too obviously shared with the brutes. You could feel these tugging at your guts and fluttering in your diaphragm. But in Friendship - in that luminous, tranquil, rational world of relatioships freely chosen - you got away from all that. This alone, of all the loves, seemed to raise you to the level of gods or angels. ... We picture lovers face to face but Friends side by side. ... At home, besides being Peter or Jane, we also bear a general character; husband or wife, brother or sister, chief, colleague or subordinate. Not among our Friends. It is an affair of disentagled, or stripped, minds. Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities."
Della talked about "knowing people" in a recent blog, and I think Lewis so deftly describes it: masking our true selves, out of whatever motivation, keeps us from being truly known by others. I think that, once in the practice of wearing a mask, you yourself forget who you truly are. I know this happened to me. I forgot who I was and who I was trying to become. I've since remembered. Thank God.

Life catch up

2005-12-23T23:43:00.000-08:00

Working as a cashier at Walmart: how do people actually do this for a living?
So, found out Tuesday that I didn't get the job with Teach for America. Was rather disappointed, though not as upset as I thought I'd be. I think this Calvinism thing is really catching on: God has a plan for me.
Found out Friday that I aced the semester - whoo hoo - I think my physics professor just got tired of grading and decided to hand out As, cause I definitely didn't deserve one!
Found out later in the day that I got a 168 on the LSAT. To the non-LSAT takers out there, the LSAT is out of 180 and my score is in the 97th percentile: this is Harvard and Columbia worthy! So I'm completely pumped now.
Basically everyone has said it: God's slammed the door in one area and totally opened another for me. I'm really excited about law school, basically because I do believe that it's God's will for me. I can't wait to find out what's in store for me; I'm hoping to go to Texas, because I think I'd adore Austin, but we'll see. Dad thinks that if I get into a stretch school I should seriously consider going there (read: New England or East Coast). I think we'll go on campus visits in January.
Yeah! Life is happening right now!

Narnia

2005-12-09T13:42:00.000-08:00

I went to Narnia last night - so amazingly wonderful.
Article about Lucy by Catherine Claire from the Common Grounds website:

http://commongroundsonline.typepad.com/common_grounds_online/2005/12/catherine_clair.html

Eating disorders

2005-11-14T22:09:00.000-08:00

My freshman year of college, I found out that one of my oldest friends (ballet in pre-school old friends) had bulimia. But, we hadn't lived in the same state in three years and were out of practice in being friends, so though we were on the same campus, we allowed ourselves to drift apart. She was busy with her stuff and I was busy with my stupidity.

A month after school had started, she was kicked out because of her eating disorder but she returned after the Christmas break. I was pretty heavy into being an idiot at that point and I don't think I saw her more than once the first three weeks of school.

The second week in February I received a phone call at 8:30 from my mother. "Annie, [...] is in the hospital. You need to go there until her mother can get there."

She had attempted to overdose on aspirin but her roommate woke up to her vomiting and called for an ambulance. She was hooked up to two tubes, one helping her breathing and the other forcing charcoal into her stomach to absorb the drugs. Because of the tube in her throat, she couldn't speak, but she tried to write down her thoughts. She wrote that she wanted to die, that she was in pain, that she didn't want to go on, that she wanted to go to Jesus. She still wanted to die. Her mother read that note and her cry was truly heart-wrenching: a raw, gutteral wail that came from deepest suffering and sorrow.

I still can't imagine how someone can get through something like that, and I was in it. What's more amazing is that I am still a bad friend, I still let the status-quo suffice, I still hesitate to confront and encourage friends, I still let myself drift from people who aren't completely convenient to meet with. We talk about life-changing events in our lives, and this should have been one for me. But I am too selfish and self-absorbed, too scared of the reaction I might get, too lazy, to do anything.

I now have three friends who are either currently struggling with or recovering from an eating disorder. I really don't know how to handle it. Some of my hesitancy is from my past experience, but much of it is unresolved sin and ungodly fear. May God grant me a spirit of power and love and open my mouth to speak loving truth.

Interview

2005-11-10T14:33:00.000-08:00

I got the interview with Teach for America that I had wanted! Celebrate good times, come on!

So pumped - but now I have to prepare for it: a 5 minute lesson on whatever subject or grade I choose, a personal and group interview, a problem solving time, and an essay. Whew - no wonder they take 10 hours! (well for all of the personal interviews, too, so not really that much time)

I'm thinking about doing French for 2/3 graders - you know, right and left foot, right and left hand, and then play a game of Simon Says. But Mom worries that this wouldn't show enough depth. I'm also trying to think of a highschool history lesson that would only take five minutes and would also show how I want there to be interaction between the class and teacher. So, very tough assignment, though I think I'm going to have fun with it.

The interview is at the Union, here in Norman (thank goodness), so I don't have to drive anywhere or miss any class (sigh - perhaps this isn't the best!). Home environment, able to get lots of sleep and eat well: definitely a bonus.

Oh, and great news - they are opening up positions in Dallas and Austin, my two favorite picks for cities, so I may get all of my dreams coming true in one fell swoop - all I need now is the husband!

My book list - September and October

2005-11-10T14:30:00.000-08:00

Overcoming Bulimia - Cynthia Rowland: story of a bulimic woman and her struggles with bulimia in the pre-aware-of-this-disorder years (late 80s)
Psychology through the eyes of faith - Myers and Jeeves: intro to psych, great entries on mind/brain and nature/nurture
Emma - Jane Austen: watched the movie, too
Gender - Frederica Mathewes-Green: just as good as everyone said it would be, even better!
Twenty Someone - Doug Serven: because some things need to be read more than once
C.S. Lewis: Screwtape Letters, the entire Narnia Chronicles (excepting Dawn Treader), Out of the Silent Planet and Perelandra, a collection of short stories
False Intimacy - Henry Schaumberg: sex, dating, pornography, addictions
1776 - David McCullough: George Washington is my hero!
About a dozen Agatha Christie's: the library sale was good this year

Currently reading:
John Adams by David McCullough: John Adams is my hero!
Getting the Message - Doriani
Stalin - Edvard Radzinsky
The Closing of the American Mind - Allan Bloom

Up next:
Stepping Heavenward - Elizabeth Prentiss
Bondage of the Will - Martin Luther
Enduring Community - Newsom and Habig
The Great Divorce or Mere Christianity - Lewis
Anti-memoires - Andre Malraux
Candide - Voltaire

Up late again

2005-11-09T13:20:00.000-08:00

Ugh - can't sleep again - been trying for a solid hour and 15 minutes, to no avail. I even worked out today and was rather active through the course of the day, too.

So, I find out today if I have been granted an interview with Teach for America, an Americorps program that trains and sends teachers to rural and urban, underdeveloped school districts. I'm hoping to get sent to St. Louis - great churches there, Covenant Seminary, good people. I'd love to get a jump on getting to know the Covenant staff and see if it would be a good fit for grad school.

If I don't get this position, I have to choose between law school (LSAT on Dec 3), maybe working for the CIA, grad school (oh, please no!), or some other, heretofore unthought-of, job. I've looked into getting certified to teach in OK by subbing for a year and then taking the qualifying test, but I'm sure that Dad wouldn't go for it.

I listened to Paige Benton Brown's talk on friendship yesterday and was again struck by how very powerful a teacher she is. I was so convicted about my failings as a friend and recommitted to being a good friend, and stop moaning about not having as many friends as I wish I had. Paige can cut so quickly to the heart of an issue! I was reminded again that two Christians in a friendship does not make a Christian friendship, just as a family of people who are Christians does not make a Christian family. How quickly I forget that fellowship means not merely the presence of food, but the presence of the Holy Spirit in the company of believers - how differently I would view "pot-prov"s if I were to remember this!

So then, what does true fellowship look like? Hmm...

The Church's One Foundation

2005-10-24T23:01:00.000-07:00

The Church's one foundation is Jesus Christ her Lord
She is his new creation by water and the word
From heaven he came and sought her to be his holy bride
And with his blood he bought her and for her life he died.

Elect from every nation and one o'er all the earth
her charter of salvation, one Lord, one faith, one birth
One holy name she blesses, partakes one holy food
And to one hope she presses with every grace endued.

The church shall never perish her dear Lord to defend
To guard sustain and cherish is with her to the end
Though there be those that hate her and false sons in her pale
Against a foe or traitor she ever shall prevail.

Though with a scornful wonder men see her sore oppressed
By schisms rent asunder, by heresies distressed
Yet saints their watch are keeping, their cry goes up, "how long?"
And soon the night of weeping shall be the morn of song!

Mid toil and tribulation and tumult of her war
She waits the consummation of peace forevermore
Til with the vision glorious, her longing eyes are blest,
And the great church victorious, shall be the church at rest.

Yet we on earth hath union with God the three in one
And mystic sweet communion with those whose rest is won
O happy ones, and holy, Lord give us grace that we
Like them the meek and lowly may dwell on high with thee.

Loneliness

2005-10-22T02:30:00.000-07:00

Loneliness is a universal experience; some cultures embrace it (like Eastern cultures, heavily influenced by meditative religions promoting the loss of self into the great consciouness or Western monasticism, seaking solitude to avoid contamination by the world), some eschew it (cultures that emphasize large families or communal living). 21st century America, especially on college campuses, has definitely moved into the embracing side of the continuum, though, perhaps, unwittingly.

Perhaps we should blame the media, for, indeed, the media does play a huge role in creating an environment wherein isolationism is feasible. Take, for example, the Internet. It is possible, with a good connection, to order food and clothing to be delivered, to downlaod any music you could want for immediate consumption, to "interact" with people in chatrooms, on IM, playing chess through Yahoo!, or, in the countless video games available, create your own reality with a group of people who totally "get" you. In theory, nothing else would be necessary for you; you could live completely dependent on the computer.
This is extreme, but the point is made. Technology encourages isolation in other ways as well, as Doug has often commented: iPods and Walkmen ensure that we are never without noise (a music "addiction" according to Allan Bloom of The Closing of the American Mind); cellphones allow us to avoid the people who may be around us; constant images of other people, other times, other places, other cultures, other music, other beliefs, other, other, other, make us forget the here and now. The media bombardment definitely contributes to the isolating of American college students.

Doug made a startlingly adept observation in his article today in the OUDaily:
We have 20,000 students at OU, but what sort of community do we have here? What binds us together? Football, perhaps, because we have something in common to care and talk about. But most of the time most students pursue un-connection, un-integration in their lives. We watch our own shows; we listen to our own tunes; take our own classes; eat our own foods; travel to our own apartments.
Shallow friendships and tenuous intra-personal ties mask, but do not cure, loneliness. How often, especially my freshman year, I have assumed that proximity and length of time spent with someone meant friendship and community! But no - I was an entity to myself, unattached and unresponsible.

For when you get down to it, being alone is the opposite (in as sense) of responsibility. When I don't want to own up to something I've done, I run from friends, I run from church, I run from accountability. The church was given to us so graciously so that there might be a check on our tendency to run, to flee penalty. (Perhaps then, a church that promotes community without active discipline is promoting shallow fellowship, based more on similar likings than a desire to promote holiness.)

Thanks be to God for His great gifts to us: His Spirit, His Word, and His Bride, the church. Never must I be truly alone, for the Lord speaks to and nourishes me through His Word, indwells and animates me by His Spirit, and hugs and comforts (as well as confronts) me by His church.

Is loneliness then the Lord's method of prodding us back into the fold? Does he use it to remind us of how much we lose in running from him, from the church? Like hunger alerts us that our bodies need food, is loneliness our alarm that we need fellowship?

Go on up - you bald head!

2005-10-20T22:36:00.000-07:00

Isaac Watts (of Joy to the World fame)

Our tongues were made to bless the Lord,
And not speak ill of men:
When others give a railing word,
We must not rail again.

Cross words and angry names require
To be chastised at school;
And he’s in danger of hell–fire
That calls his brother fool.

But lips that dare be so profane
To mock, and jeer, and scoff
At holy things, or holy men,
The Lord shall cut them off.

When children, in their wanton play,
Served old Elisha so,
And bade the prophet go his way,
‘Go up, thou bald head, go!’

God quickly stopp’d their wicked breath;
And sent two raging bears,
That tore them limb from limb to death,
With blood, and groans, and tears.

Great God! how terrible art thou
To sinners e’er so young:
Grant me thy grace, and teach me how
To tame and rule my tongue.

C.S. Lewis

2005-10-20T22:04:00.000-07:00

Why is it that Lewis is the greatest author ever?

Is it because he so effectively, as he called it, "redeemed" different genres of literature: the short story, the science fiction novel, the children's story, fiction, non-fiction, prose. He was a master of the airwaves and of the pen. He taught by allegory, by speeches, by academic articles, by radio talks, by lectures. Truly a versatile wit.

The prolific nature of his writings also lends itself to praise: reading the "complete works of Lewis" would be a task indeed.

Another feather in his cap, the man wrote for everyone: children, adolescents, lay people,
professors; the hurting, the joyful, the questioning, the knowledgeable and the beginners. Never does he seem condescending; indeed, as he said in "On Stories", "No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally (and often far more) worth reading at the age of fifty - except, of course, books of information." To Lewis, good literature is good literature. And the Narnia chronicles are just that. In fact, I would pay good money to find a better series of books that can be so enjoyed in childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, on so many levels.

Lewis also addressed so many topics, even in just his fiction. Just a short list: government systems in Voyage of the Dawn Treader; the Adam and Eve story in The Magician's Nephew; the Greatest Story in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe; perseverence and friendship through great adversity in The Last Battle; faithfulness and trust in The Silver Chair; acceptance and tolerance of gender and station in The Horse and His Boy. Lewis also tackled the "diamond in the rough" story over and over: Edmund in the first novel, Caspian as the untried king in his novel, Eustace in the Dawn Treader. The unlikely heroes: David and Goliath themes run throughout his works (especially in the space trilogy).

Lewis took on the conventional epic journey in Dawn Treader, redeeming that genre (like Bunyan, but he's for another time).

So, what makes C. S. Lewis the greatest author? Well, I'll tell you: no one makes me long for heaven more, nor makes me more thankful that I have time left here to work for the kingdom. I love Ransom, who is shocked, and rather infuriated, to find that he is Maledil's representative, that the fate of Perelandra rests on him, that Maledil had chosen to work through him for His own glory.

Paige (Benton) Brown, in her Road to Emmaus lecture on evangelism, gives an incredible defense of evangelism, given that God is sovereign. She argues that evangelism without God's sovereignty would be an exercise in futility: how can anyone convince or connive another into the kingdom? Thank the Lord that He is the author and perfector of our faith: if it rested on us, we should be in very poor hands.

Praise the Lord for a teacher like Lewis: the man had a powerful gift which has so encouraged me and blessed me.