Eating disorders

My freshman year of college, I found out that one of my oldest friends (ballet in pre-school old friends) had bulimia. But, we hadn't lived in the same state in three years and were out of practice in being friends, so though we were on the same campus, we allowed ourselves to drift apart. She was busy with her stuff and I was busy with my stupidity.

A month after school had started, she was kicked out because of her eating disorder but she returned after the Christmas break. I was pretty heavy into being an idiot at that point and I don't think I saw her more than once the first three weeks of school.

The second week in February I received a phone call at 8:30 from my mother. "Annie, [...] is in the hospital. You need to go there until her mother can get there."

She had attempted to overdose on aspirin but her roommate woke up to her vomiting and called for an ambulance. She was hooked up to two tubes, one helping her breathing and the other forcing charcoal into her stomach to absorb the drugs. Because of the tube in her throat, she couldn't speak, but she tried to write down her thoughts. She wrote that she wanted to die, that she was in pain, that she didn't want to go on, that she wanted to go to Jesus. She still wanted to die. Her mother read that note and her cry was truly heart-wrenching: a raw, gutteral wail that came from deepest suffering and sorrow.

I still can't imagine how someone can get through something like that, and I was in it. What's more amazing is that I am still a bad friend, I still let the status-quo suffice, I still hesitate to confront and encourage friends, I still let myself drift from people who aren't completely convenient to meet with. We talk about life-changing events in our lives, and this should have been one for me. But I am too selfish and self-absorbed, too scared of the reaction I might get, too lazy, to do anything.

I now have three friends who are either currently struggling with or recovering from an eating disorder. I really don't know how to handle it. Some of my hesitancy is from my past experience, but much of it is unresolved sin and ungodly fear. May God grant me a spirit of power and love and open my mouth to speak loving truth.

Interview

I got the interview with Teach for America that I had wanted! Celebrate good times, come on!

So pumped - but now I have to prepare for it: a 5 minute lesson on whatever subject or grade I choose, a personal and group interview, a problem solving time, and an essay. Whew - no wonder they take 10 hours! (well for all of the personal interviews, too, so not really that much time)

I'm thinking about doing French for 2/3 graders - you know, right and left foot, right and left hand, and then play a game of Simon Says. But Mom worries that this wouldn't show enough depth. I'm also trying to think of a highschool history lesson that would only take five minutes and would also show how I want there to be interaction between the class and teacher. So, very tough assignment, though I think I'm going to have fun with it.

The interview is at the Union, here in Norman (thank goodness), so I don't have to drive anywhere or miss any class (sigh - perhaps this isn't the best!). Home environment, able to get lots of sleep and eat well: definitely a bonus.

Oh, and great news - they are opening up positions in Dallas and Austin, my two favorite picks for cities, so I may get all of my dreams coming true in one fell swoop - all I need now is the husband!

My book list - September and October

Overcoming Bulimia - Cynthia Rowland: story of a bulimic woman and her struggles with bulimia in the pre-aware-of-this-disorder years (late 80s)
Psychology through the eyes of faith - Myers and Jeeves: intro to psych, great entries on mind/brain and nature/nurture
Emma - Jane Austen: watched the movie, too
Gender - Frederica Mathewes-Green: just as good as everyone said it would be, even better!
Twenty Someone - Doug Serven: because some things need to be read more than once
C.S. Lewis: Screwtape Letters, the entire Narnia Chronicles (excepting Dawn Treader), Out of the Silent Planet and Perelandra, a collection of short stories
False Intimacy - Henry Schaumberg: sex, dating, pornography, addictions
1776 - David McCullough: George Washington is my hero!
About a dozen Agatha Christie's: the library sale was good this year

Currently reading:
John Adams by David McCullough: John Adams is my hero!
Getting the Message - Doriani
Stalin - Edvard Radzinsky
The Closing of the American Mind - Allan Bloom

Up next:
Stepping Heavenward - Elizabeth Prentiss
Bondage of the Will - Martin Luther
Enduring Community - Newsom and Habig
The Great Divorce or Mere Christianity - Lewis
Anti-memoires - Andre Malraux
Candide - Voltaire

Up late again

Ugh - can't sleep again - been trying for a solid hour and 15 minutes, to no avail. I even worked out today and was rather active through the course of the day, too.

So, I find out today if I have been granted an interview with Teach for America, an Americorps program that trains and sends teachers to rural and urban, underdeveloped school districts. I'm hoping to get sent to St. Louis - great churches there, Covenant Seminary, good people. I'd love to get a jump on getting to know the Covenant staff and see if it would be a good fit for grad school.

If I don't get this position, I have to choose between law school (LSAT on Dec 3), maybe working for the CIA, grad school (oh, please no!), or some other, heretofore unthought-of, job. I've looked into getting certified to teach in OK by subbing for a year and then taking the qualifying test, but I'm sure that Dad wouldn't go for it.

I listened to Paige Benton Brown's talk on friendship yesterday and was again struck by how very powerful a teacher she is. I was so convicted about my failings as a friend and recommitted to being a good friend, and stop moaning about not having as many friends as I wish I had. Paige can cut so quickly to the heart of an issue! I was reminded again that two Christians in a friendship does not make a Christian friendship, just as a family of people who are Christians does not make a Christian family. How quickly I forget that fellowship means not merely the presence of food, but the presence of the Holy Spirit in the company of believers - how differently I would view "pot-prov"s if I were to remember this!

So then, what does true fellowship look like? Hmm...